I woke up tucked into him; my back to his front. I rolled over into him. Tilting my head up, I breathed him in; my lips brushing his neck. I could feel his chest rise and fall against mine, his heart steady under my hand.
How could this be real? How many years did I wait for this moment?
My oldest, at 13, is only 2 years younger than I was when I fell in love with this now man. My eyes scanned his face as my fingers rubbed the rough of his beard. Everything he’s been through, all that he’s seen... The faint reddish brown of his hair surrendered to waves of silver down to the scruff on his chin and the curls that danced across his chest.
All that we’d survived in this past decade had brought us to this point. If we hadn’t lost each other once, we wouldn’t be here in this bed.
Months earlier, I’d taught him to video chat. His face filled my screen and I couldn’t breathe. My soul awoke and the sparkle in his eyes came alive. “You are still so beautiful,” he said as he finally smiled wide for me after months of sharing pictures. We talked for three hours that night; it felt the same as the late night calls from our teenage years.
I closed my eyes and pressed my forehead to his chest as he blindly reached over and pulled me closer into him. In my mind, I could remember the way I felt in his arms as I awaited my flight on the freezing December morning in Montana. I remember my voice cracking and giving way to full blown sobs by the time I reached the gate. This time would be no different, only he’ll be the one leaving me to go back to tie up his life out west. In my half sleep, I snuggled deeper into him and whispered, “I don’t want to ever wake up.”
And then, I opened my eyes. It was all a dream.
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