I gotta bad habit...

I started smoking when I was 16 years old. Meaning as of this point in my life, I've been a smoker almost as long as I've been a non-smoker.

I want to quit.

The only reason I started was over a stupid boy. A stupid STUPID boy.

My first cigarette happened pretty much like this:

Stupid Boy, "The waitresses tip me in cigarettes. You want to try one with me?"
Me, "No. I have asthma. Probably not the best idea."

 ~~3 days later.~~

Stupid Boy, "The waitresses tipped me in cigarettes again. You still have asthma?"
Me, "Yes, dipshit. It doesn't just go away."

~~3 hours later.~~

Stupid Boy, "I still have those cigarettes."
Me, "FINE, IF IT WILL SHUT YOU UP LONG ENOUGH TO LISTEN TO ME GO ALL EMO AND TALK ABOUT HOW MY MOTHER HATES ME AND HOW E E CUMMINGS IS THE BEST POET EVARRRRRR...."

~~3 seconds later.~~

Stupid Boy, "Hey... HEY! You alright?"
Me, looking up at him from the floorboard of my car, "Wtf just happened? Let me try that again."

Stupid. STUPID STUPID STUPID. I went from 1 a day to 1 every waking hour. When I'm nervous? I smoke twice as many.

I want to quit. I need to quit. I want to see Lillie walk down the aisle. I want to chase my Grandbabies around the park. I want to run faster. I want to WANT to run.

Worst habit EVER.

e e cummings is still the best... for instance...

maggie and milly and molly and may

10

maggie and milly and molly and may
went down to the beach(to play one day)

and maggie discovered a shell that sang
so sweetly she couldn't remember her troubles,and

milly befriended a stranded star
whose rays five languid fingers were;

and molly was chased by a horrible thing
which raced sideways while blowing bubbles:and

may came home with a smooth round stone
as small as a world and as large as alone.

For whatever we lose(like a you or a me)
it's always ourselves we find in the sea 

 

 

maggie and milly and molly and may

  by E. E. Cummings

              10

maggie and milly and molly and may 
went down to the beach(to play one day)

and maggie discovered a shell that sang 
so sweetly she couldn't remember her troubles,and

milly befriended a stranded star
whose rays five languid fingers were;

and molly was chased by a horrible thing 
which raced sideways while blowing bubbles:and

may came home with a smooth round stone 
as small as a world and as large as alone.

For whatever we lose(like a you or a me) 
it's always ourselves we find in the sea

- See more at: http://www.poets.org/viewmedia.php/prmMID/15406#sthash.fwLh5BIm.dpuf

maggie and milly and molly and may

  by E. E. Cummings

              10

maggie and milly and molly and may 
went down to the beach(to play one day)

and maggie discovered a shell that sang 
so sweetly she couldn't remember her troubles,and

milly befriended a stranded star
whose rays five languid fingers were;

and molly was chased by a horrible thing 
which raced sideways while blowing bubbles:and

may came home with a smooth round stone 
as small as a world and as large as alone.

For whatever we lose(like a you or a me) 
it's always ourselves we find in the sea

- See more at: http://www.poets.org/viewmedia.php/prmMID/15406#sthash.fwLh5BIm.dpuf

maggie and milly and molly and may

  by E. E. Cummings

              10

maggie and milly and molly and may 
went down to the beach(to play one day)

and maggie discovered a shell that sang 
so sweetly she couldn't remember her troubles,and

milly befriended a stranded star
whose rays five languid fingers were;

and molly was chased by a horrible thing 
which raced sideways while blowing bubbles:and

may came home with a smooth round stone 
as small as a world and as large as alone.

For whatever we lose(like a you or a me) 
it's always ourselves we find in the sea

- See more at: http://www.poets.org/viewmedia.php/prmMID/15406#sthash.fwLh5BIm.dpuf

maggie and milly and molly and may

  by E. E. Cummings

              10

maggie and milly and molly and may 
went down to the beach(to play one day)

and maggie discovered a shell that sang 
so sweetly she couldn't remember her troubles,and

milly befriended a stranded star
whose rays five languid fingers were;

and molly was chased by a horrible thing 
which raced sideways while blowing bubbles:and

may came home with a smooth round stone 
as small as a world and as large as alone.

For whatever we lose(like a you or a me) 
it's always ourselves we find in the sea

- See more at: http://www.poets.org/viewmedia.php/prmMID/15406#sthash.fwLh5BIm.dpuf