I want to warn you. I also want to allow Karma to take care of you. But I want to warn you. I want to tell you what to expect. But the angry woman in me wants you to be just as blindsided by what he will do. I know you'll tell yourself "that'll never happen to me..." or maybe even "but he's changed since you...." I told myself that too. I was pregnant with our oldest when I found his first wife. After growing up knowing that my own father had a sister that he barely knew, I wanted to make sure that line of communication was open between our children and his daughter from the first marriage.
I want to tell you that it wasn't all bad. That we did love each other, or so I thought. That the person I thought I'd fallen in love with was someone who was tender, someone children flocked to like he was the Pied Piper... I thought he was silly and charming. When we lived in Newnan, I can still remember getting out of my car and being puzzled as to why he would be home so early. It was the first of many jobs that he left or they let him go because he didn't "mesh" well. It wasn't just jobs. Anything that was important to me or the kids? Was a burden to him if he didn't directly benefit. Religious activities, cultural events, family trips, vacations... yes, even vacations. We were isolated from family and friends more and more so each year; we were made to feel guilty if we decided to go anywhere he didn't want to go.
Doesn't sound appealing, does it? Because that's not who I married. That's not the person I fell in love with. That's not the person who told me I was beautiful in one breath and that I wasn't worthy of love by anyone in the next. That's not the person that would rub my back till I fell asleep after a 9 hour flight and then break his phone when I would confront him about waking me up in the middle of the night to him taking pictures of different exposed parts of my body. That he exposed. And he only did this while I was asleep, and I KNEW THIS because if I moved or made noise he would get very still until he thought I was asleep again.
And let's not even get into the children we have together. How the ONE time I lost my cool with him when he would not back down off of our oldest I whacked him in the thigh with the back of my hand and snapped at him to "STOP IT." He got out of the car and threatened to just walk away. Because I asked him to stop. Because the boy was THREE and he wasn't acting any older himself. How he shattered our wedding topper and slammed the door when I was 7 months pregnant with our daughter, telling me how I could raise MY children by myself. All because I needed his help with something. There were so many more moments when I should have said "enough, the kids and I don't deserve this."
So no, please don't ever tell me that you love my children like you do your own. That is THE most impossible feat. If you loved my children like you do your own, you wouldn't be married to that man. You wouldn't have bothered going through modifications for child support for your own children if you saw the way he will act when he gets that notification that I've filed for modifications and enforcement. You would encourage him to take more time with his children aside from the 36 hours he barely utilizes during his mandatory weekends. It is his lack of participation in their life and the sorry "support" he sends their way that has encouraged ME to take action. He threw his rights away for his first daughter over child support that was MORE than the bare minimum he's paying for our three.
Remember, you wanted him. All of him. Our children are a part of the package. So you may think you love them like your own, but if you really and truly did, you wouldn't even be in the picture. You too, would be disgusted by the "family man" that was so good with his kids. That same man that walked away from his children to be the "man he's always silenced." That man? Is not a family man. Ask yourself, how many times have you flinched when he's laid a hand on your/his dogs? You can ALWAYS judge a person's true character by the way they treat animals and you don't have to leave bruises to be an abuser.
I want to tell you that it wasn't all bad. That we did love each other, or so I thought. That the person I thought I'd fallen in love with was someone who was tender, someone children flocked to like he was the Pied Piper... I thought he was silly and charming. When we lived in Newnan, I can still remember getting out of my car and being puzzled as to why he would be home so early. It was the first of many jobs that he left or they let him go because he didn't "mesh" well. It wasn't just jobs. Anything that was important to me or the kids? Was a burden to him if he didn't directly benefit. Religious activities, cultural events, family trips, vacations... yes, even vacations. We were isolated from family and friends more and more so each year; we were made to feel guilty if we decided to go anywhere he didn't want to go.
Doesn't sound appealing, does it? Because that's not who I married. That's not the person I fell in love with. That's not the person who told me I was beautiful in one breath and that I wasn't worthy of love by anyone in the next. That's not the person that would rub my back till I fell asleep after a 9 hour flight and then break his phone when I would confront him about waking me up in the middle of the night to him taking pictures of different exposed parts of my body. That he exposed. And he only did this while I was asleep, and I KNEW THIS because if I moved or made noise he would get very still until he thought I was asleep again.
And let's not even get into the children we have together. How the ONE time I lost my cool with him when he would not back down off of our oldest I whacked him in the thigh with the back of my hand and snapped at him to "STOP IT." He got out of the car and threatened to just walk away. Because I asked him to stop. Because the boy was THREE and he wasn't acting any older himself. How he shattered our wedding topper and slammed the door when I was 7 months pregnant with our daughter, telling me how I could raise MY children by myself. All because I needed his help with something. There were so many more moments when I should have said "enough, the kids and I don't deserve this."
So no, please don't ever tell me that you love my children like you do your own. That is THE most impossible feat. If you loved my children like you do your own, you wouldn't be married to that man. You wouldn't have bothered going through modifications for child support for your own children if you saw the way he will act when he gets that notification that I've filed for modifications and enforcement. You would encourage him to take more time with his children aside from the 36 hours he barely utilizes during his mandatory weekends. It is his lack of participation in their life and the sorry "support" he sends their way that has encouraged ME to take action. He threw his rights away for his first daughter over child support that was MORE than the bare minimum he's paying for our three.
Remember, you wanted him. All of him. Our children are a part of the package. So you may think you love them like your own, but if you really and truly did, you wouldn't even be in the picture. You too, would be disgusted by the "family man" that was so good with his kids. That same man that walked away from his children to be the "man he's always silenced." That man? Is not a family man. Ask yourself, how many times have you flinched when he's laid a hand on your/his dogs? You can ALWAYS judge a person's true character by the way they treat animals and you don't have to leave bruises to be an abuser.
No comments:
Post a Comment