Monday, July 16, 2018

Modem Static.

It's the summer of 1996. 14 year old me sits on the edge of my friend's bed (we'll call her Ellie for anonymity's sake). It's sweltering hot outside and we are soaking up the breeze from her ceiling fan waiting for her mother to allow us onto the computer. Ellie asks me if I want to go for a walk to our friend Jennifer's house one street over, I oblige as I slide my feet into my sandals longing for one more minute in the air conditioning. We make our way down the driveway and Ellie catches me off guard, "We're not reeeeeally going to Jennifer's house." I stop dead in my tracks. She's known to think up some crazy schemes and I'm typically the voice of reason even though I begrudgingly love the thrill; the night before we'd performed a seance in her driveway in an attempt to channel my recently deceased Great Grandmother. Plot twist, aside from mosquitoes, no one reached out from the "other side."

I stand there playing with the tassel on my purse begging to die between the heat and anxiety of not knowing what she's going to come up with next. Ellie drags me by the hand a few driveways towards the entrance of her neighborhood. She starts giggling uncontrollably and exclaims that she'd been talking to a guy in one of the AOL chat rooms. This wasn't abnormal for either of us as I'd just "broke it off" with a kid from California. The difference between my safety net of talking to people across the country and abroad would be that Ellie liked to talk to people who were local to us and went to the High School we were scheduled to start at as Freshmen the following month. Today we were actually going to MEET someone she'd been talking to for a while. Within minutes, a rusty green Nissan Sentra came around the corner and I looked her dead in the eye, hissing through gritted teeth, "I AM ONLY GOING SO I CAN TELL YOUR MOTHER WHAT AN IDIOT YOU WERE AT YOUR FUNERAL BECAUSE YOU ARE GOING TO GET US MURDERED." I could not believe we were meeting someone off the internet and I couldn't even remember if I'd told my mother I loved her. I can still remember the smell of the car as we slid across the back seat, shoving debris into the floorboards.

"When I see you sticky as lips, as licky as trips, I can't lick that far..."

We are riding in the backseat. Helpless to our destination at this point. I'm nervous and skeptical as to their intentions and my anxiety has me watching everything unfold like I'm floating and seeing it all from the rear window. Anthony is driving and talking to Ellie about things he and Brandon like to do on the weekends and what High School life is REALLY like. I can tell they'd been talking off and on, planning this for a while. He keeps looking at me through the rear view mirror. The voice in the back of my head tells me we're about to be murdered by two artsy film students and we'll be their final project for senior year. The AV teacher will gush about how realistic the blood is, how she can hear the fear in our screams... I make the realization that Ellie set us up as a double date of sorts and I actually WANT to die. She has the advantage of at least having talked to Anthony before any of this and I'm supposed to be talking to Brandon apparently. We idle in a parking lot and talk for a while in the air conditioning; as 15 year old girls we're completely beside ourselves that we are riding. IN A CAR. With older boys. Anthony is silly and jokes a lot. His thick black hair is falling into his face and he tucks it behind his ears Jordan Catalano style. But he's the very opposite of Jordan Catalano. He's Asian, softer, more talkative, and probably a murderer. Brandon's hair is also long, but his face is more chiseled with soft brown eyes and my heart skips a beat wishing he'd talk to me like Anthony is talking to Ellie.

"But when you pout, the way you shout out loud, it makes me want to start."

Brandon works for Michael's art supply and we wander around the store for a while as he talks to coworkers obviously disinterested in these still wet behind the ears girls. I breathe a sigh of relief but I'm honestly hurt for a second. I realize that maybe I wanted him to like me or at least want to like me. My cheeks flush and I play it off as the heat getting to me. Anthony tells us how several scenes from Fried Green Tomatoes were filmed in the same parking lot back when the building housed a grocery store where Michael's now occupies. I slide back into the car and lock eyes with Anthony joking that my mother often gets mistaken for Kathy Bates ever since it was filmed. Ellie is getting irritated that I'm talking to him at all and jabs me in the thigh. Glaring out the window, I hear him ask Ellie what kind of music she's into as he inserts The Cure's Wish into his cassette player.

"And when I see you happy as a girl, that swims in a world of a magic show. It makes me bite my fingers through to think I could've let you go."

I'm bored, hot, ready to get back to the safety of Ellie's bedroom. Deep in my gut I muster up the courage to clear my throat and tell her that maybe we should get back before her mom realizes we're not with Jennifer. Anthony wants to see us again. Ellie wants to see him again, but not with me. I can hear it in her voice that she's trying to plan something and she disappointingly suggests another "double date" when he's not having it. My cheeks flush again, this time in complete disgusted embarrassment. It's obvious that Brandon wants nothing to do with me. He's been staring a million miles out the front window as if his only intention in being with us is out of duty to Anthony, which to be honest, was supposed to be my intention as well. I wouldn't mind going out again with Anthony and Ellie, but I also didn't want to insert myself into any chances they might have so I keep my mouth shut as they fumble over words and plans made out of halfhearted promises.

"And when I see you happy as a girl that lives in a world of make believe, it makes me pull my hair all out to think I could've let you leave."

We creep back down past Ellie's house in the case that her mother were to question who we were riding with. Anthony searches in his glove box for something to write on and he passes me a business card with his phone number on the back as I scoot across the back after Ellie. I slip it into my back pocket before Ellie could see and create more insult to her injury. I still remember that phone number 22 years later although the business card is long gone. I can almost taste the bittersweet relief of knowing we both didn't get murdered but also didn't get caught out on our excursion.

The sun dips below the horizon and Ellie and I are both eager to get back onto AOL once her mom heads to bed. The dial tone static begins to buzz from somewhere beneath our legs at her family computer desk. Ellie looks at me and tells me she thinks Anthony was more interested in me than her. I soothe her doubts and tell her I'm not interested in him and barely know him OR Brandon. The modem clicks and whirs, electronic dial tone comes abruptly after the modem quits the first attempt and begins the connection dance a second time.

I can't recall the majority of the events that happened later that summer, but I know we spent a great deal of time in chat rooms and preying on Anthony and Brandon at their respective workplaces. Where Ellie and I were thick as thieves before High School began, we slowly drifted apart and the death of her father further severed our relationship due to some harsh things I'd said to her in regards to her own relationship with her father during a time period that my own father had verbally threatened to disown me. Anthony and I remained friends, and he even encouraged my employment with Blockbuster. I hate to say that I didn't see him as anything more than a friend, but a failed attempt of a first date squashed that fairly early in my Freshman year. It's a joke that we now bring up pretty often and I'm sure I'll rehash again just as I am recalling this event today. It's funny though that we remained friends even though we our excuse to not date was deathly embarrassing. He was always there in my memories, whether it was at a house party, sitting back to back or side by side in neighboring booths at Waffle House after school, our ride to Atlanta when skipping school, or even holding the door open for me and a friend at a coffee or ice cream shop. He was always there.

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