I am not worthless.
I am not disgusting or ugly.
I am irreplaceable. I am priceless. I am beautiful and every last "disgusting or ugly" quirk I have seen in myself, I see as gorgeous when they appear as quirks in my children. Logic therefore tells me that because they are gorgeous when I look at my children, I am gorgeous by default.
I have flaws. I am not a finished product. I am an ever changing project of the man who made no mistakes when he breathed life into me and filled this body with soul.
I am not a problem. I am well worth the wait and so glad he waited for me to evolve into this curvy, snarky, silly creature I've become. It is bittersweet to know that he and I have reached a point in our lives as adults that it is illogical to create life together outside of the lives we are living together. It took God seven days to create Heaven and Earth just to get some well needed rest. Now we rest together, seven children and too many years later.
When he and I are together, I don't see stretch marks and rolls and imperfections. I see myself as the woman God created me to be for him. I want to outlive all my expectations for myself beside him. He is not the father of my children, but I see a fatherly concern and love for them that makes my heart burst. He takes the time to speak to them, sheds a tear or two when Lou says his name or talks to him unexpectedly... He listens to them and HEARS them when they speak.
I am a work in progress, but I was wrong.
For so many years I was wrong. I was wrong to believe that my partner's happiness is a direct result of my role as their wife. We are only responsible for our own happiness, and our attitude and outlook are a direct result of our own actions. I was wrong to believe that marrying someone who's lifestyle and ethics were so different than my own would change with time as hope in the knowledge that people change over time. People don't always change for the better. I was wrong that believing "for better or worse" meant that there would be a "better." I was wrong.
The "us" that has blossomed over the past year is an "us" that explodes with future. Future travels, future responsibilities, future companionship and passion. It means compromise and understanding. It means acceptance and cultivating the dreams and goals to make them realities for one another. It means trust beyond measure, as you can't fully love based on a relationship full of crumbly hit or miss trust... something else I was wrong to believe in so many years ago. It means research and discussions and late night rambling. Studying each other, our love and our friendship so we can be better for ourselves and for one another.
I was so wrong, but in being wrong I learned how to look for the love and light in life.
I am not disgusting or ugly.
I am irreplaceable. I am priceless. I am beautiful and every last "disgusting or ugly" quirk I have seen in myself, I see as gorgeous when they appear as quirks in my children. Logic therefore tells me that because they are gorgeous when I look at my children, I am gorgeous by default.
I have flaws. I am not a finished product. I am an ever changing project of the man who made no mistakes when he breathed life into me and filled this body with soul.
I am not a problem. I am well worth the wait and so glad he waited for me to evolve into this curvy, snarky, silly creature I've become. It is bittersweet to know that he and I have reached a point in our lives as adults that it is illogical to create life together outside of the lives we are living together. It took God seven days to create Heaven and Earth just to get some well needed rest. Now we rest together, seven children and too many years later.
When he and I are together, I don't see stretch marks and rolls and imperfections. I see myself as the woman God created me to be for him. I want to outlive all my expectations for myself beside him. He is not the father of my children, but I see a fatherly concern and love for them that makes my heart burst. He takes the time to speak to them, sheds a tear or two when Lou says his name or talks to him unexpectedly... He listens to them and HEARS them when they speak.
I am a work in progress, but I was wrong.
For so many years I was wrong. I was wrong to believe that my partner's happiness is a direct result of my role as their wife. We are only responsible for our own happiness, and our attitude and outlook are a direct result of our own actions. I was wrong to believe that marrying someone who's lifestyle and ethics were so different than my own would change with time as hope in the knowledge that people change over time. People don't always change for the better. I was wrong that believing "for better or worse" meant that there would be a "better." I was wrong.
The "us" that has blossomed over the past year is an "us" that explodes with future. Future travels, future responsibilities, future companionship and passion. It means compromise and understanding. It means acceptance and cultivating the dreams and goals to make them realities for one another. It means trust beyond measure, as you can't fully love based on a relationship full of crumbly hit or miss trust... something else I was wrong to believe in so many years ago. It means research and discussions and late night rambling. Studying each other, our love and our friendship so we can be better for ourselves and for one another.
I was so wrong, but in being wrong I learned how to look for the love and light in life.
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