A week ago DFCS showed up in my driveway. Not because of anything I'd done, but because of an apparent investigation that has been placed upon their father. I was lucky in that I wasn't home yet from work when it happened. Lucky in that my mother and stepfather are honest people and were truthful and passed on the caseworker's number to me when I got home.
It took me the entire weekend to get up the nerve to call her. I had no idea going into the call what this was about, how it even came about, or what landed her in my driveway Friday. As I pulled into the office I decided to just leave a message for her verifying I was the ex-wife and my children are in his custody for 36ish hours every other weekend. The end. Just confirming what my mother had told her. Most sane people don't go into work at 8:30. She answered her phone. For a solid 27 minutes my Fitbit registered as if I was running a marathon.
It was a tense call.
I decided to strictly answer to the best of my ability and not to prompt.
I don't drag beliefs into arguments regarding the kids unless I feel that they're getting confused in a harmful way. Regardless of whether he believes in worshiping donkeys and making hot dog sacrifices to their donkey lord or Jesus Christ himself, religion can't be used as a determining factor UNLESS it puts the children in harm's way. Even if the other parent sees it as psychologically harmful. I was raised to question everything. And so I do, and what I believe in and what the kids have been raised to believe I want them to question as I do. If you don't understand, question your elders and your heart and the book itself. Research, meditate on it and research some more. Right now I have one kid that is so disturbed by their father's belief system that it brings him to tears of frustration. And I agree with him 100%. How could a man who openly spoke about philosophy and theology and other logical and intriguing debates now believe he's among wizards and witches, that he's an actual "healer." How can a man who spent years of his life in the emergency medical field witnessing the power of miracles and modern medicine turn to crystals and energy fields...
In the months leading up to the divorce proceeding I stumbled across so many strange finds that it broke my heart. Cans upon cans of salt emptied along the perimeter of the garage where he slept after I discovered the infidelity. What had I ignored or been oblivious to in my marriage? He claimed to have an alter ego that he and his family referred to as Hector. I scoffed at this and blamed a lot of bad behavior on Hector and the mess he would make in the family. I would become embarrassed and increasingly appalled or concerned when "Hector" would make him overdose on his ADD medication leaving him hanging from our bedroom closet sweaty and belligerent. I silenced my screams of fear and paranoia when he would touch me at night claiming he was allowing me to say goodbye to my "Husband," explaining to me that my tears were from grief. I justified reading and copying to PDF pages from his journals and sketchbooks after he used my own words against me from my journal. I can't unsee the darkness and acidic heartbreaking hatred spewed upon those pages. Pages from my own writing used against me that were cries to God for help, to help me let go of this man who had stolen my Husband in order to help me release the fear and chaos for the benefit of our children. Words I'd written detailing his addictions and choices he'd made to justify the illegal activity he'd favored over his wife and children.
I kept all these words to myself when I talked to the caseworker. I held them in my heart like a smoldering coal.
What I did answer? She asked...
Was I aware of any pagan or "dark magic" being practiced by him or the both of them while the children were present.
Was I aware of any verbal abuse towards each other or the children.
Was I concerned about my children's well being while in his care.
Did I know if her children were in therapy or counseling.
I told the truth, loud and proud, I will go down protecting my children from the darkness in him.
C.P.
It took me the entire weekend to get up the nerve to call her. I had no idea going into the call what this was about, how it even came about, or what landed her in my driveway Friday. As I pulled into the office I decided to just leave a message for her verifying I was the ex-wife and my children are in his custody for 36ish hours every other weekend. The end. Just confirming what my mother had told her. Most sane people don't go into work at 8:30. She answered her phone. For a solid 27 minutes my Fitbit registered as if I was running a marathon.
It was a tense call.
I decided to strictly answer to the best of my ability and not to prompt.
I don't drag beliefs into arguments regarding the kids unless I feel that they're getting confused in a harmful way. Regardless of whether he believes in worshiping donkeys and making hot dog sacrifices to their donkey lord or Jesus Christ himself, religion can't be used as a determining factor UNLESS it puts the children in harm's way. Even if the other parent sees it as psychologically harmful. I was raised to question everything. And so I do, and what I believe in and what the kids have been raised to believe I want them to question as I do. If you don't understand, question your elders and your heart and the book itself. Research, meditate on it and research some more. Right now I have one kid that is so disturbed by their father's belief system that it brings him to tears of frustration. And I agree with him 100%. How could a man who openly spoke about philosophy and theology and other logical and intriguing debates now believe he's among wizards and witches, that he's an actual "healer." How can a man who spent years of his life in the emergency medical field witnessing the power of miracles and modern medicine turn to crystals and energy fields...
In the months leading up to the divorce proceeding I stumbled across so many strange finds that it broke my heart. Cans upon cans of salt emptied along the perimeter of the garage where he slept after I discovered the infidelity. What had I ignored or been oblivious to in my marriage? He claimed to have an alter ego that he and his family referred to as Hector. I scoffed at this and blamed a lot of bad behavior on Hector and the mess he would make in the family. I would become embarrassed and increasingly appalled or concerned when "Hector" would make him overdose on his ADD medication leaving him hanging from our bedroom closet sweaty and belligerent. I silenced my screams of fear and paranoia when he would touch me at night claiming he was allowing me to say goodbye to my "Husband," explaining to me that my tears were from grief. I justified reading and copying to PDF pages from his journals and sketchbooks after he used my own words against me from my journal. I can't unsee the darkness and acidic heartbreaking hatred spewed upon those pages. Pages from my own writing used against me that were cries to God for help, to help me let go of this man who had stolen my Husband in order to help me release the fear and chaos for the benefit of our children. Words I'd written detailing his addictions and choices he'd made to justify the illegal activity he'd favored over his wife and children.
I kept all these words to myself when I talked to the caseworker. I held them in my heart like a smoldering coal.
What I did answer? She asked...
Was I aware of any pagan or "dark magic" being practiced by him or the both of them while the children were present.
Was I aware of any verbal abuse towards each other or the children.
Was I concerned about my children's well being while in his care.
Did I know if her children were in therapy or counseling.
I told the truth, loud and proud, I will go down protecting my children from the darkness in him.
C.P.
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