Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Oh, Ollie by Golly...

A day in the life of your pet…how bad do they have it?



6:00 a.m.: TWITCH TWITCH... (opens one eye) THAT CHILD IS AWAKE.
6:05 a.m.: MOMMY. MOMMY. MOMMY. MOMMY. MOMMY. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WAKE UP AND LET ME OUTSIDE. LET ME OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW.
6:45 a.m.: Oh thank God. THANK GOD. Now let me out... come on... open the door. OPEN THE DOOR BEFORE HE SEES ME.
6:46 a.m.: SWEET MOTHER OF PEARL IT'S COLD OUT HERE. TWITCH. I suppose I can rough it for an hour till they leave.
8:25 a.m.: She is never going to open the door. She has forgotten about me. She's going to let them enjoy the nice cozy warm of INSIDE and I will perish forevermore on this cold ass patio. PLEASE SOMEONE LET ME IN.
8:26 a.m.: 'Bout damn time. Girl, you best not have forgotten about my breakfast.
((Licks nether regions for 20 minutes just to ensure they are still attached. Patio WAS cold after all.))
9:15 a.m.: PRAISE THE LORD! THE "LITTLEST ONE" FED ME TODAY! I wonder if Mom knows.
9:30 a.m.: Why is she taking all of my food!!! Doesn't she know I NEED the whole container to make up for all the energy I burned attempting to keep myself warm outside???
9:45 a.m.: (Scowling) Wow... I think I'm going to lay down right herzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
1:00 p.m.: What is that noise? OMG. OH. EM. GEE. Why is he shoving the light saber in my face? WHY? What is this kid's DEAL??!? ((HISS)) That ought to show him. I am SO scary! Roar! Poop time!!! Now if I can just get past... WHY IS HE CHASING ME? WHY WASN'T HE SCARED OF MY ROAR? I PUFF MY TAIL AT YOU, KID, BE AFRAID!!!
2:00 p.m.: LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT.
2:15 p.m.: Sooooo many birds. So many! Look at all the birds! This neighbor must love me SO much to have all these birds in his yard. I'm just going to lay down for a minute right herzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
6:00 p.m.: WHAT HAPPENED TO THE SUN?!?? WHY IS IT SO DARK??!??! WHY AM I SO HUNGRY!!!!??! Oh, THAT'S right... She stole all my food after "the good child" fed me. I'll teach her a lesson she'll NEVER forget!
6:20 p.m.: LET ME IN LET ME IN LET ME IN LET ME IN.
((Licks nether regions for 20 minutes to make sure the birds didn't steal them in his sleep.))
6:45 p.m.: Oh good, I have plenty of water but she forgot to feed me. ((He finds me and howls in my face for 5 minutes.)) Chase me, Mommy! I have something to show you! HAHAHAHAHAHA, WATCH ME POOP IN THE BOX! ISN'T THIS FUN! Oh, and by the way, I'm out of food. What goes in must go out, right?
((Smells everything around the basement to make sure THAT TRAITOR CAT FROM WEST VIRGINIA hasn't peed on anything of his.))
9:00 p.m.: Mommy. Mommy. Mommy. Mommy. Hold me. LOVE ME. ZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

11 comments:

  1. Ha! I am typing one-handed as my 17-pound cat Tanner sleeps on my other hand. Again.

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  2. Ha!

    Am very familiar with this one. Times two. Two cats. Twice the attitude. Twice the litterbox deposits. Sigh.

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  3. M, my cat likes it when I wear him like a turban while I sleep. I wake up with cat hair ALL OVER my pillow. :/ My allergies are not thrilled with our sleeping arrangements, not now not ever! But I loooooove him and will suffer in silence so long as he's keeping my head warm at night. :)

    Angie, my Grandfather just recently brought home a feral kitten (yes, you read that right) from the mountains. It is our hillbilly wildcat. Ollie? NOT PLEASED. I don't know exactly what it eats, but we can always tell when she uses our cat's box.

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  4. We must bow down to all the cats... they rule the roost... We are just there for their bidding, right? Funny story!

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  5. DEFINITELY at their bidding! Mine gets violent when his food bowl isn't even a BIG cat! He also makes me watch him poop or vice versa. There's nothing more unsettling than a cat more interested in your body functions than you are.

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  6. They have us trained well don't they? Mine scratch at the door and when you open it they look at you and run off. You shut the door and they scratch again...on and on and on. It's their little game. I think they just don't like shut doors.

    Stopping by from Mama Kat's. BTW...I live outside the ATL too!

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  7. I am really giggling when he passes out. Birds!

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  8. At least my cats do not have any kids chasing them around (just me sometimes).

    Stopping by from writers workshop: http://zemeks.blogspot.com/2011/11/12-things-ive-done-that-you-probably.html

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  9. Peg, mine does that when I'm in the bathroom and the door is shut. Can't a Mama get ANY PEACE around here??? It doesn't matter if he's in the bathroom with me or out in the hall, he don't care!

    Arnebya, if he's outside, I can almost guarantee I'll see him passed out within 50 feet of the neighbors ridiculous collection of birdfeeders.

    Karen, Ollie enjoys having ME chase him. I can almost see the glee in his eyes when he thinks I'm doing it on purpose. Sometimes he just walks crazy in front of me in an attempt to get me to chase him. My cat? He is not right. Now when the KIDS chase him? Whole other story.

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  10. Oh, our pets are so great! Very cute post. And I really like your blog design.

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  11. Thanks Ma'am! It's *mostly* cut/paste from Shabbyblogs.com and the Husband and I collaborated on the header. As much as I love the one I have, I'd love to change things up again already. :)

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