Past, present and future pt. 2

 15 years ago, I:

1. Moved into my grandparents home with my then husband.
2. Gave birth to my first child.
3. Quit flying indefinitely after 6 years of traveling the world.
4. Became a firefighter’s wife and stay at home mom.
5. Watched hours and hours of insomniac theater on VH1 with my colicky baby.

10 years ago, I:

1. Was on the Rosie O’Donnel Show.
2. Was healing from a nervous breakdown.
3. Fought my anxieties and got a job leasing apartments.
4. Sent my oldest to Kindergarten.
5. Found my then very intoxicated husband trying to hang himself in our closet while pictures of his sister and her friends in their bikinis littered across his computer screen.

5 years ago, I:

1. Began the transition for my youngest to start special needs pre-k through the public school system with the help of Babies Can’t Wait.
2. Watched my oldest find his “reason” again after years of “pause” while playing baseball.
3. Found messages on my laptop between the baseball team’s “team mom” and my husband.
4. Got divorced.
5. Began to rediscover who I really was now that I was no longer pouring every bit of myself into someone who could never be truly satisfied.

1 year ago, I:

1. Started running again.
2. Abruptly stopped running after getting strep and having terrible reactions to my covid booster. Hashtag no regrets.
3. Realized it wasn’t “me” in the relationship with those close to me. I played my part in reaction to who THEY were.
4. Fell down in a hole of seasonal depression on top of the normal undercurrent of regular depression.
5. Sent my oldest to High School to begin his final descent into his remaining years in the school system.

Today, I:

1. Got all 3 kids to 3 different schools and made it to work 30 minutes early (small victories!)
2. Can finally get groceries now that something’s been paid towards child support.
3. Will do the dishes, finish this weekend’s laundry and maybe get it all put away.
4. Readjust my debt spreadsheet since my financial situation went to shit.
5. Pre plan for this weekend’s Halloween festivities and my mother’s birthday.

1 year from now, I:

1. Will have one kid with a driver’s license and another starting their driving journey.
2. Have two kids in high school and one in elementary school.
3. Will be running at least one 5k by summer.
4. Be back in the swing of daily morning yoga.
5. (Fingers crossed) will have a new vehicle of my own and no longer struggle financially as hard as I have this year.

5 years from now, I:

1. Will have a HS graduate, one senior in HS and an 8th grader.
2. Will hopefully be a homeowner.
3. Plan on celebrating 15 years at this property.
4. Will be 45. Inconceivable.
5. Will be a non-smoker. Not maybe or hopefully, I WILL BE a non-smoker.

10 years from now, I:

1. Will be 50.
2. Hope to be celebrating 20 years with this company if not back flying.
3. My youngest will graduate High School.
4. Will just have the youngest at home.
5. Will need all the plants and cats to keep me company.