Core Memories in the Making

What do core memories with our children look like to you?

With big it was seeing him finally run right after his first birthday. It had been 12 months of frustration since his birth. Watching him put one foot in front of the other on those cabin floors in West Virginia was euphoric for all who witnessed or was part of it. It was watching him run across the field beaming with pride, brow glistening with sweat after scoring a point. It was watching his face grow nervous with glee when he was picking out flowers for his elementary school sweetheart before taking her (her mom, her sister and middle) to the movies - his first REAL date. It was watching him dance and sing during “the greatest show” in middle school after hours and hours, days and weeks of pulling teeth to get him to practice and seeing all his hard work pay off. It was the night he ran from you; blue and red lights bouncing off our faces as he told me he was never going back. I was proud of him for standing his ground and saying “no more.” It was watching the excitement and jitters grow with each second that passed leading up to seeing his girlfriend before homecoming this weekend.

It’s not always sunshine and roses. There are times when it’s harder than feels necessary… but I would never trade my time with them. They owe us nothing. They don’t owe us love or affection. They don’t owe us conversation, they don’t owe us. They didn’t ask for us. They didn’t choose this life. We chose it for them. WE brought them into the world. WE made the promise to THEM that we would unconditionally love and support them.

So. How do you do it? How do you justify your silence and inability to just show up, be present? How do you sleep at night knowing they exist without your love guiding and shielding them? How do you sleep? How do you not worry yourself sick? There’s nothing I’d ever trade, nothing worth losing my kids eyes searching for me in the crowd even though they KNOW I wouldn’t miss their life, their one and only childhood for anything or anyone.