Never enough words.

There are never enough and too many words just sitting, watching, waiting for their turn to tumble from my mouth or fingertips.

Sometimes I instantly regret the bleeding exposure of my heart.

Sometimes I wish I could lay curled up into you listening to your own heart beat change as you're exposed to what I have to say.

I feel too much but you'd never know it if you spent 5 minutes alone with me.

Emotions swell, ebb and flow. I am the ocean under this skin.

I yearn for you. My skin craves the warmth of you.

But there's no us and I don't want to be any part of an "us."

My brain is at war with itself. Wants and needs.

If none of this makes any sense, I'm blaming the blinding migraine that took my day from me.

You're not here and I think this muddles things indefinitely.

There's no conversation, it's all one sided in a brain overflowing with love and prescription drug induced serotonin surges. 

Domino effect: the surge flushes my cheeks, ears... an itch lifts hem of my skirt with thoughts of your hands where mine linger... my heart creeps upward into my throat and my brain remembers that you're not here and your voice is just a memory. Just a memory over crackling payphone wires stretched thousands of miles between my heart and yours.

What would you say to me if we bumped into each other in the produce section on a random Tuesday in March. Would you come up behind me and whisper "that one" in a single breath on the outer shell of my ear? I would put my apple back onto the pile of gold and ruby perfect pyramids and swear a ghost had stolen my heart while trying to remember which was sweeter, Fuji or Gala? Would you walk up with cantaloupe "breasts" seeking a laugh? Would you watch me walk by and not say anything?

Why do I keep myself awake imagining these scenarios when I don't want this. I *don't* want this.

Do I even know what I want?

Could you sit with me until I do?