Because I become fully absorbed in the lives of those I love, I have a tendency to come off as leading someone on. I don't mean to, but I did. I like the closeness of a hug or the rhythm of a good slow dance. Of course, touch is only welcome on my terms as I'm pretty big on people not coming into my personal bubble unless initiated. So, my fault. 100% my fault. And I'm owning this because at the time I didn't see the issue.
I broke up with Anthony two weeks ago. The first week was HARD because I so badly wanted my friend and he wouldn't open up to me. That's fair, I mean... I broke up with him. I pulled the plug and ended our two year relationship. We had spent most of every other weekend during the first 75% of our relationship together, and the rest of that time was spent long distance. Upon his move back home, it became increasingly clear that our relationship had played out; our purpose for one another had come to an end romantically. However, this past reason I needed to relax and I wanted a drink, so I visit him at our local tavern where he was working for the night. One beer, two beers and then we were dancing. I can't even remember the songs, but I remembered how nice it felt to have my head on his shoulder and how comforting it was to breathe him in. There was nothing else as far as touch or affection went, but it felt nice enough that I ended up arguing with him about it later that night and being accused of playing with his emotions. Ouch.
So now there's distance, which is expected but necessary. Before I left the office last night my son asked if he could hitch a ride with Anthony to see his friend's band performance. Of course I let him, Anthony is a big part of his transition from 2 parent household to 1 and all the emotions he dealt with during so many changes. His sons and mine are friends now and that's amazing for a kid who is surrounded by kids at school who he shares no commonalities with aside from Drama class and being an awkward angsty tweenager. I love his kids, and it's more than obvious he loves mine. 20+ year ago me would be doing back flips over having our kids be friendly and sharing experiences together.
That, THAT is what I don't want to lose. I don't want to lose the connection between our 7 kids. I don't want to lose the relationship they've built with "Mr. Anthony" as they trust him and love his silliness. I don't want to lose my friend either.
So now I need to set up healthy boundaries for the both of us and boundaries are the worst.
I broke up with Anthony two weeks ago. The first week was HARD because I so badly wanted my friend and he wouldn't open up to me. That's fair, I mean... I broke up with him. I pulled the plug and ended our two year relationship. We had spent most of every other weekend during the first 75% of our relationship together, and the rest of that time was spent long distance. Upon his move back home, it became increasingly clear that our relationship had played out; our purpose for one another had come to an end romantically. However, this past reason I needed to relax and I wanted a drink, so I visit him at our local tavern where he was working for the night. One beer, two beers and then we were dancing. I can't even remember the songs, but I remembered how nice it felt to have my head on his shoulder and how comforting it was to breathe him in. There was nothing else as far as touch or affection went, but it felt nice enough that I ended up arguing with him about it later that night and being accused of playing with his emotions. Ouch.
So now there's distance, which is expected but necessary. Before I left the office last night my son asked if he could hitch a ride with Anthony to see his friend's band performance. Of course I let him, Anthony is a big part of his transition from 2 parent household to 1 and all the emotions he dealt with during so many changes. His sons and mine are friends now and that's amazing for a kid who is surrounded by kids at school who he shares no commonalities with aside from Drama class and being an awkward angsty tweenager. I love his kids, and it's more than obvious he loves mine. 20+ year ago me would be doing back flips over having our kids be friendly and sharing experiences together.
That, THAT is what I don't want to lose. I don't want to lose the connection between our 7 kids. I don't want to lose the relationship they've built with "Mr. Anthony" as they trust him and love his silliness. I don't want to lose my friend either.
So now I need to set up healthy boundaries for the both of us and boundaries are the worst.
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