Love.

Today I worked for my Scentsy Fundraiser for the kids school at the school itself. The upside to this was that today was also their "lunch bunch" where once every few weeks they get to stay the entire full school day at the High School their Preschool is located in. During their lunch period they have "floating" student teachers, which are the High School students who volunteer to eat lunch with our children. I am grateful to these students who give up their little bit of social time to hang with my babies. Today I got to watch them in action, flitting about the kids, wiping faces and hands and random spills. Hugging the kids with joy in their eyes as they accomplished small tasks, sometimes tasks as Mom's we take for granted. I am so grateful for this program.

I took my little lunch box into their classroom today and nuked my Lean Cuisine and sat down next to my son on probably the smallest chair in the county. And might I add, I didn't even think for a second that my fat ass might break it. And it didn't even scream under the pressure. Sometimes it's good to be lighter, I take that back, it's great. My boy opened up his lunch box and cracked the lid off his apples and peanut butter and shared them with me. The little girl sitting next to him asked if she could have one too and one of his student teachers came swooping in and stopped him. In order to keep the spread of germs at bay, they don't allow sharing of snacks and meals. It is a simple act of precaution that I'm grateful for, but my boy still doesn't really understand why he's not allowed to share with his friends. He very bluntly said, "I want to give you an apple,(insert little girl's name here), but I can NOT and I am SORRY." His heart is so big and beautiful and giving. When I grow up, I want to be him.

After lunch he snuggled up in my lap and let me read to him while we did his post lunch breathing treatment in his Teacher's office. He never lets me sit and read to him. After his treatment I picked my Lillie Rae up and held her in my arms and snuggled her and kissed her soft baby neck until the Teacher caught me and smiled at the affection.

It is well known that I love my children down to their very core. I am not ashamed to melt into their tiny faces and slobber on their ribs as I eat them up. I will smell their stinky feet day after day and sometimes the gag that quickly follows is not faked when I realize their feet have been crammed into faux leather shoes without socks all day. When I tell her that they smell like moldy pickles and she whips her head back and laughs begging me to smell them again, I will gladly do it. Just as I'm willing to rip the bandaid off on "2" instead of "3" because we all know they'll keep counting past "3" in hopes you cave and don't yank it off at all. Seeing them morph before my eyes into these tiny individuals always takes my breath away and breaks my heart and it happens on a daily basis. Motherhood is filled with highs AND lows every single day of the week. We don't get nights off, we don't get to sleep in, we don't get to throw tantrums and make illogical demands. We have to bite our lips and do the right thing day after day after mother lovin' day. Even when we don't want to.

Being across the High School from them today and knowing they were in good, capable hands made it easier for me to be away from them. It didn't ease the anxiety of doing something out of my comfort level, but it did put my Mama heart at ease. Tomorrow and Saturday I will be away from them 90% of their day. I don't like it, I don't want to do it, but I know that it's good for all of us. It will be so good to come home to them and wrap myself up in their sweaty, sticky arms.