Friday, May 18, 2012

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 "Anxiety is a lying bedfellow. And Tiffany is AWESOME!"

We already spoke/saw that I got to meet Jenny and Copernicus on Wednesday. Last night I finally finished the book. Don't judge! I had great intentions to have it completely finished by the time she signed it, but alas, UPS is ridiculous and I had 5,982 other things on my to do list. This book? Only secured my love for The Bloggess a thousand times over. I get her, you guys. Monday I headed into therapy, book in hand and read her post on being diagnosed with anxiety disorder in the waiting room. It hit home, too close to home seeing as I woke up hyperventilating that morning. I know what it's like to spend days feeling as if the walls were closing in and everyone's breathing your air and OH MY GOD GET ME OUT OF MY SKIN, MY SKIN IS TRYING TO KILL ME. Ok, well, logically I'm aware that my skin is not, in fact, trying to kill me, but that's how my brain works on an every day basis... and I hate that. I hate feeling this way. I hate when my meds don't do their job. I hate when I feel trapped and all I want to do is run and puke and run some more or on worse days, curl up tight in my cold dark bedroom and disappear into myself. I've been there. I've been there and it hurts to admit it as much as it hurts to keep it in.

I wish I had my "brain on anxiety drugs" note that I wrote her on the drive up to the book signing. Instead, you're going to get a (possibly) revised version, because it's all true regardless of whether or not it's the exact words I wrote then.

Jenny,
Thank you. Thank you for being so honest about your anxiety, depression, panic. Thank you from someone who also lives with these three misfits as well. Thank you for putting your words out there and not being ashamed to do so. It's taken me years to release the feelings of shame and guilt for being who I am and for having to live this way. Thank you for not being so "above" your followers that you can't comment on their blogs, even when you're in the grips of panic and anxiety as well, ESPECIALLY when you're going through the same thing. You are such an inspiration to me and to so many others who lay it all out there on the great big internet universe attempting to be honest with themselves and others. Thank you, even though "thanks" seems so small compared to how your words and actions give me hope.
-Tiffany


7 comments:

  1. She is pretty dang awesome. I finished Let's Pretend ... on a train from Naples to Florence and snort-laughed so much our neighbors commented. I also teared up several times. I'm so glad you got to meet her, I'm so glad (that might sound odd, but bear with me) you can see yourself in her words and know YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

    And I heart you. Period.

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    1. After I wrote that post she PM'd me on Twitter telling me I rocked. Again, I think she's amazing. And seeing myself in her words helped more than I imagined they would. They gave me words to describe exactly what was going on in my head. I know now that I'm not alone, even though I felt that way for a very long time.

      What's funny, is that she talks about the weird shit her Dad did under the assumption it was normal (OMGTHETURKEYSTORY) and she says people won't get it, I TOTALLY GOT IT. My Grandparents are from West Virginia, and my Grandmother collected animals (squirrels, chickens, a random monkey) and NOTHING was ever normal in this house. It still isn't normal here!

      I heart you too, M. :)

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    2. Yay! I just found your blog. Love it. And yes, I too get Jenny and the "others" like us who didn't grow up in a perfect little bubble. I think that must be where our sense of humor comes from. Real life. I once rode to meet my prom date on a tractor. Real classy. Ugh! I'm hoping to see Jenny on the 2nd trip to Chi Town. The first is sold out. Finished half of LPTNH this weekend. I heart people who say "I heart..."

      Love,
      Lucy

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  2. You most definitely ARE awesome! I'm so glad you got to meet her. She was even closer to me this past weekend, in MD, but still too far for my car who has said bitch please to go. Well, maybe it would have gotten me there. But it would have rolled its eyes and said hell no trying to get back.

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    1. Stupid car issues!!! We gotta figure something out. I need to motorboat that sternum!

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  3. I've got that book on my Goodreads list... thanks to you, I'm moving it higher on the list! Will reserve it at the library right now!

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    1. You will laugh out loud, if you don't, I'm not sure we can be friends anymore.

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