In like a Taurus, out like a Gemini.

Tomorrow is Mother's Day, so to all of my Mommy friends, milk it for all it's worth. MILK IT. I kid, kind of. I want to sleep in. That's all I really want. I want to wake up on my own without little wants and needs being shot at me rapid fire. Yes, I want to enjoy my children and tend to them... but I just want to enjoy them as they are. As these two wonderful and beautiful hot messes they are.

My heart halved.

It's their fault I'm attempting to better myself this year. Which is why I'm finally getting around to writing my 30x30 post. Today y'all... I'm really aggravated by the quality of the 30x30 button, BUT WHATEVER PEOPLE. Picnik up and quit on me, so there's no going back now. Onward! I'm still in the "rough draft" stage of my list, so it if seems a little frayed in areas, it probably is. But I was confronted with my personality and, of all things, my horoscope sign (signs?) during my interview a few days ago. Hence, in like a Taurus and out like a Gemini. I've been so stuck, so bullheaded in my ways and practices since this horribly dark winter. I was still making my lists and wishing and hoping, but I've drawn inward and my inner voice has grown more ugly and hateful and, y'all... that's not who I am. It's not! Honest! I know that I am beautiful. I know that I am strong. I know that we are nearly halfway through May and wtf, where has my year gone? I've been listening to the voice telling me how worthless and revolting I am, and again... I know I'm not. I look at them (see exhibit A up there) and know the truth. tl;dr

Are you still here? Due to circumstances out of my parents hands, I didn't quite make it to my true due date at birth. Where I was anticipated a Gemini, I was born a Taurus. The beauty of this is, if you truly believe in all this horoscope hibbity hob is that I can carry the traits of both. Yes, we should all just stop what we're doing and feel ridiculously awful for my poor Husband who lives with this nonsense all the damn time. I want to be my stronger self again. I want to shine, dammit! I want to believe that this first portion of the year, this darker me is my Gemini bad twin. I want to believe that I can dust myself off, stand again and fucking SPARKLE come 2013. I WANT TO BE FURIOUSLY HAPPY!!! So I made I'm making a list. Things I can see this sparkly twin doing that my dark, dull, other self would NEVER DO. No judging, y'all... it's my list, not yours. I'll elaborate in future posts. Spoiler alert? Meeting (hopefully) two of my favorite bloggers on Wednesday. This is me peepeeing my pants a little.

1. Meet with my people. Not like Jesus, but more like my fellow bloggers... maybe even smoosh cheeks European style with the ones I put up on a pedestal. Met the Bloggess 5/16
2. Run 30k by New Years. (Currently at 6.6: Color Run 5k, All Aboard for a Cure 1 Mile/1.6k)
3. Get back into a career style job.
4. Move out of the basement.
5. Take the kids to the beach, any coast will do.
6. Really celebrate my marriage and relationship with my best friend, i.e. family might need to avert their eyes.
7. Pilgrim back to the Drepung Loseling Monestary in it's new (to me) location.
8. Yoga. And YES, M.... I'm going to need your help on this one because this one is inspired by YOU.
9. Read 30 novels.
10. Lose 30 MORE pounds.
11. Quit smoking.
12. Spend more time in my craft room and less time in the kitchen.

The rest of the list is to be continued... I'm not a quitter, I just want my list to really mean something if not for me, for my kids 30 years down the road.