Wednesday, January 4, 2012


Step 1.) Cut out an insane amount of pennant shapes from construction paper probably older than you are and immediately curse the project you've started for yourself.

Step 2.) Toss the potato you were attempting to create into a stamp at your Husband, try again with the styrofoam tray that comes with ground meat (after thoroughly washing and sanitizing the tray, your arms up to your elbows and 15 feet in all surrounding areas and let's NOT EVEN TALK ABOUT THE FACT YOU DUMPSTER DIVED FOR THIS SHIT) and then promptly toss THAT failed stamp as well. Come across a package of (honest to God) typewriter carbon paper STILL UNOPENED in piles of "things to sort" upstairs and use your mad tracing skills on 30 something purple pennants to make Disney's Rapunzel sun flags. Hand paint 30 something suns while (almost) 3 year old begs to help.

Step 3.) Pray 3 year old appreciates the sh!t out of your efforts... specifically when you couldn't finish because you ran out of ribbon. I only need, like, 5000 more yards! We all know I have some HIDDEN SOMEWHERE from myself.

Step 963.) Get high with your cat. Well, technically I got sedated, anti-anxietized and anti-depressed or WHATEVER and he got a face full of catnip because Mommy had an "accident" when attempting to fill that stupid fish/bird/WTFISTHATTHING?

See? I can totally have a great sense of humor while trying to ride this rollercoaster. Can I get off now? Hello?


  1. Well, I appreciate the shit out of your efforts! How cool!

  2. LOL, thanks Andrea! I'm glad SOMEONE appreciates it! Had to do something to keep my hands busy or else I'd combust yesterday. Today, I made a photobook online and realized I won't have the $$$ to order it till the day the coupon expires. My fun money needs to be available EVERY DAY, not just on days paypal deems necessary. BTW, anybody need an ancient Leapfrog Leap Pad learning system?

  3. I have to laugh at the use of the full s word in all caps, followed later by sh!t in the same post. Your sense of humor will get you through. YOU SO FUNNY!!


    (unrelated: due to some awesome creativity over at Word Nerd Speaks and Periphery, I've begun collecting captchas, quite unintentionally. The captcha for this post?

  4. You know what, I didn't even notice that until now! And I can't tell you how many times I've re-read this post checking for errors. I try and remember that some day my kids might read this, but by the time they do, their vocabulary might be just as bad as my own. I try! That's worth something, right?

    I have a captcha? Sweet! I didn't even realize that I had a spam filter on here. I'm totally observant, M!

  5. Yep, you have a captcha. And you are WAY craftier than me, dammit. I now feel inadequate. I would have burned the paper after I messed up the potato. Plus, I'm not allowed to have scissors anymore...but I kid!

  6. LOL, I'm now allowed to even look at power tools. The men of the house get twitchy when I ask for sand paper... their first question is, "WHY?" I think they've been hiding a power sander from me for years now. Something about having been to the ER over a severe hot glue gun burn (SO 10 years ago, I mean... come on now) seems to make them think I'm incapable of handling tools.


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