My Truth.

The truth is... there’s always three perspectives, yours... mine... and the outside perspective.

I was immensely unhappy. Not because of WHO anyone in that big beautiful house was, but because of who I am and who I wanted so badly to be.

He and I didn’t work out. We just didn’t. We tried, we gave it multiple honest efforts, but we needed vastly different lifestyles to achieve our best selves. Lifestyles that don’t include the other person.

I am a house cat. I’ve said and implied that before. I need self reflection time, comfortable silence, a good book and the ability to not feel like I’m depriving another person of their needs to fulfill my own needs. I am one person, with three immediate dependents who rely on me to make their world “run.” Once their needs are sufficiently met, I have to meet my own as a way to recharge and evaluate our next tasks. This leaves little else than the weekends they’re with their father to devote that one on one with ANYONE other than myself and them.

You teach others how you want to be loved based on your own actions.

It took me an unfortunately long time to realize this. It took a failed marriage that involved an exhausting amount of self sacrifice but also self neglect to realize I was killing myself; if not physically then definitely mentally. Your happiness should never depend on expecting your partner to fill your “cup.” Your happiness should come from being able to be YOU and being with like minded people.

So yes, I’m well aware I will be the villain in at least one person’s story. I accept this and I will not apologize for loving them enough to tell them I’m not that person. I’m not who YOU want/need me to be, and that’s ok.

My kids and I have been in such a better place mentally since we left the “Coronapocalypse McMansion” and that to me speaks volumes about my decision. Yes I’m exhausted, but my God is it worth it. There’s no more sudden anger and confusion over petty temporary issues. There’s no more disappointment or shame in the way others speak or take it upon themselves to discipline to my children.

I will allow them to make me their villain. I will remember how easily it was for them to speak ill of their past exes and friends they’d fallen out with. I will remember how hateful and toxic their stories would be and wonder after hundreds of embellished or stretched half truths, what should be believed.

Don’t believe everything you read in the internet, kids. Check your sources, ask questions and if things still don’t add up? Investigate further.