10.

It's only fitting that since I'm 10 posts from my 200th post, that today I do the "10 Day You Challenge."

Today is 10 secrets. Which is hard, because I'm not very secretive. I tend to wear everything on my face which makes it a.) very hard to play poker and b.) even harder to lie. I love when I can pull off a good surprise, because it means that I've done extremely well keeping something to myself for a change. Here goes nothing.

1. We are in a very bad place financially. I can never be thankful enough to my family for not giving us a harder time. We have a roof over our heads and the kids don't know that they're missing anything because I try extra hard to make sure that their needs are met and that they still get to have fun outside of the house as often as possible. This past week, however, has been ridiculously hard for me to maintain face. I started the week off on a bad foot and it seems as if I haven't been able to regain my balance since. Which is funny (and definitely not funny at the same time) that I fell down the last few concrete steps leading into our "front door" in the middle of the night earlier this week.
2. I'm a "picker." It's not that I hate my face, I just can't NOT pick at it. Also? I hate makeup with a passion like no other.
3. I have no upper body strength whatsoever. During our little "Presidential Physical Education Testing" or whatever that shit was called back in Middle School, my PE teacher actually allowed someone to "assist" me during the pull ups on the bar. I effing hated that shit. My arms just give out on me.
4. When I go to bed at night, I "windows" shop. I'll plug in a destination on my Zillow app and look for houses. I don't care if they're for rent or sale, I just want to be anywhere but here. I need windows, wide open yards full of possibilities and hours of hide and seek. I need clean walls primed and ready for paint. A master bedroom with windows large enough to let the sun kiss my face in the mornings. Muther Fluffing COUNTER SPACE in my kitchen. I think we as a family are deserving of this. I just want to get there somehow, without having to sign my soul over to the devil.
5. I take things to heart and am very quickly bruised by things people say, even if they're not to me. I can't fathom how people can act the way they do without the explanation of maybe their Mama's didn't do their jobs right... or maybe they're just bad eggs. I still hold my tongue more often that I should because I'm afraid of hurting someone. Also, because I'm verbally awkward. Believe it or not, I have to carefully think out each blog post so I don't completely fall on my face word wise. Recently my Mother told me that my words can slice right through someone when I'm angry. I don't ever mean to, but when I have something important to say I plan my words as carefully as I can to make sure my point gets across and I don't sound completely uneducated and/or ignorant. Those are the same thing, aren't they? SIGH. Coming back full circle the the first part of my "5th secret," I don't ever, EVER intend to hurt someone with my words because I know how it feels to be burned by words.... but it seems like the only way I'm able to get my point across. Irony, much?
6. I wish I knew how to lasso. I would sit on my front porch and lasso deer in the morning just because.
7. I can bake a mean cupcake... BUT... my oven works just enough to get dinner cooked on the stove top. The oven is terribly off balance with it's heat and then there's the matter of the vent. It vents directly into the kitchen or the storage area behind it. Meaning that after a couple dozen cupcakes, it is highly likely that I'm wearing gym shorts and a tank top, sweating my cheeks off.
8. My Husband thinks I'm ridiculous with the amount of fun runs and 5k's I want to sign up for. I have to agree only because the first one hasn't even come around yet. In my head I am blowing the actual running of the 5k off, because it's an event! That's meant to be fun! Let's not worry the actual act of getting from start to finish. It's what happens between. I mean, seriously, dammit. I paid the money to be a participant, I don't care about where I "place" so long as I'm not dead last. I want to ENJOY life for a minute. I deserve to have a few hours where I just enjoy life and those around me without having to incessantly worry like I've been doing for the past 6 months.
9. 2012 is a time for change. I turn 30 this year. I'm, hellbent on having some kind of security/stability for myself and my family before the year is up. I'm also hellbent on having a different address. Change is good, except when your scared shitless of it. And... ahem... I happen to LOATHE significant changes. By golly, I'm going to learn to embrace change this year if it kills me. More on that somewhere around post #200. It's comin, y'all... are you ready?
10. I really want to have more kids. REALLY REALLY WANT MORE. But then logic kicks in and, OMG I HAVE A 3 AND 4 YEAR OLD WHO ARE COMPLETELY RUINING THE WARM AND FUZZY THIRD KID THOUGHTS. Not that my children are nightmares by any means, it would take years of bad behavior for me to think that. It's just that they're 3.... AND 4. Have you ever been the proud parent of a child of either age? You haven't? KEEP YOUR COMMENTS TO YOURSELF THEN. And on that note, tomorrow we'll talk about what I love.