I don't like change.
Change shuts me down and closes up for business.
Change, regardless of good or bad, puts my brain in survival mode auto pilot and I can't move.
Because of all of this, I am stupid stubborn. Like, even if I was wrong (and 99.9% of the time I'll admit it), I will dig my own grave swearing up and down that I'm right. I make every effort to not change if it means that there will even be the slightest chance that I'll have to meet extraordinary levels of stress along the way. I mean... C'MON... I have 3 kids; one has special needs, another has a congenital heart defect and the other has varying degrees of mental illness. I am a single mother in a single adult household AND I have my own quirks and setbacks that I forge through to overcome on a daily basis. I don't need more stress. Stress can suck it.
I was so damn determined to get my High School diploma (after I inadvertently withdrew myself by accident, whoops!) that I paid thousands of dollars for night school and summer school. Just to end up getting my GED because I was too damn busy even then to focus on classes. Looking back now, I couldn't tell you what kept me busy outside of work. But I can tell you that if something seems redundant or bores me to death, it will never hold my interest. Thousands of dollars down the drain because I was too stubborn to suck up my pride and just get my GED already.
I was so stubborn when I went into labor with Lou, that had I not already been out with my dad that night, I might not have gone to the hospital until it was too late. I walked all day in the Georgia July heat; my stomach cramping and my back KILLING me to the point it was taking my breath every few minutes. I was still determined to waddle all over the grocery store and pharmacy, clenching the door handle and "yoga" breathing every time a contraction hit sending my dad basically into hysterics. ((Side note, my mother never technically went into labor with me OR my sister as they were both scheduled medically necessary c-sections.)) My stubbornness could have easily cost the life of Lou, and I will never be able to repay my father for his determination to get me to labor and delivery regardless of how resistant I was.
When people ask for my Horoscope sign (Taurus, BTW) they breathe a sigh of relief and nod their heads in true belief because they've more than likely seen my bullheadedness in action.
Between my dislike of change and my stubbornness, I will more than likely never leave the house I'm living in now. I don't want to push change on my children. I don't want to even THINK about having to pack when I'm still mentally and physically settling into the house as just the 4 of us. The absolute only thing I could think of that could force me out is the landlord deciding to sell the house or the financial opportunity to buy my forever home. I love to hate the house I'm in. From the creaky subfloor in Logan's room (an addition to the garage done 30 years ago), to the stupid small master shower area that requires you to get INTO the shower in order to shut the door... unless you're into peeing in public or in my case, peeing with the opportunity for three children to bust into your bedroom and "HEY MOM, YOU DON'T HAVE TO STAND? WHY DON'T YOU STAND TO PEE? WHY DIDN'T YOU SHUT THE DOOR, DON'T YOU KNOW WE CAN SEE YOU??" Or in Lou's non-verbal way, he'll just storm into the shower, strip naked and help himself to some cleanliness. The house has it's quirks... and while I dream of a garden tub, a stand alone shower, a master bedroom on the main floor, gourmet kitchen and a daylight basement with an inlaw suite... my dislike of change and sheer stubbornness when it comes to taking that leap into new and uncharted territory is unwelcome here. I'll daydream all day on real estate apps and websites, but actually MOVING? I'm good.
I can see this lovely trait of mine rubbing off on my kids with Lou's issues are more genetic than environmental. Lo and Lillie test me though. Lots of questioning my reasoning, putting their OWN foot down and losing every last privilege in the process.... stubborn is as stubborn does in my household. It's not my way or the highway, it's my way or you better have a 5 paragraph essay, a power point presentation and a million dollars to change my mind.
Change shuts me down and closes up for business.
Change, regardless of good or bad, puts my brain in survival mode auto pilot and I can't move.
Because of all of this, I am stupid stubborn. Like, even if I was wrong (and 99.9% of the time I'll admit it), I will dig my own grave swearing up and down that I'm right. I make every effort to not change if it means that there will even be the slightest chance that I'll have to meet extraordinary levels of stress along the way. I mean... C'MON... I have 3 kids; one has special needs, another has a congenital heart defect and the other has varying degrees of mental illness. I am a single mother in a single adult household AND I have my own quirks and setbacks that I forge through to overcome on a daily basis. I don't need more stress. Stress can suck it.
I was so damn determined to get my High School diploma (after I inadvertently withdrew myself by accident, whoops!) that I paid thousands of dollars for night school and summer school. Just to end up getting my GED because I was too damn busy even then to focus on classes. Looking back now, I couldn't tell you what kept me busy outside of work. But I can tell you that if something seems redundant or bores me to death, it will never hold my interest. Thousands of dollars down the drain because I was too stubborn to suck up my pride and just get my GED already.
I was so stubborn when I went into labor with Lou, that had I not already been out with my dad that night, I might not have gone to the hospital until it was too late. I walked all day in the Georgia July heat; my stomach cramping and my back KILLING me to the point it was taking my breath every few minutes. I was still determined to waddle all over the grocery store and pharmacy, clenching the door handle and "yoga" breathing every time a contraction hit sending my dad basically into hysterics. ((Side note, my mother never technically went into labor with me OR my sister as they were both scheduled medically necessary c-sections.)) My stubbornness could have easily cost the life of Lou, and I will never be able to repay my father for his determination to get me to labor and delivery regardless of how resistant I was.
When people ask for my Horoscope sign (Taurus, BTW) they breathe a sigh of relief and nod their heads in true belief because they've more than likely seen my bullheadedness in action.
Between my dislike of change and my stubbornness, I will more than likely never leave the house I'm living in now. I don't want to push change on my children. I don't want to even THINK about having to pack when I'm still mentally and physically settling into the house as just the 4 of us. The absolute only thing I could think of that could force me out is the landlord deciding to sell the house or the financial opportunity to buy my forever home. I love to hate the house I'm in. From the creaky subfloor in Logan's room (an addition to the garage done 30 years ago), to the stupid small master shower area that requires you to get INTO the shower in order to shut the door... unless you're into peeing in public or in my case, peeing with the opportunity for three children to bust into your bedroom and "HEY MOM, YOU DON'T HAVE TO STAND? WHY DON'T YOU STAND TO PEE? WHY DIDN'T YOU SHUT THE DOOR, DON'T YOU KNOW WE CAN SEE YOU??" Or in Lou's non-verbal way, he'll just storm into the shower, strip naked and help himself to some cleanliness. The house has it's quirks... and while I dream of a garden tub, a stand alone shower, a master bedroom on the main floor, gourmet kitchen and a daylight basement with an inlaw suite... my dislike of change and sheer stubbornness when it comes to taking that leap into new and uncharted territory is unwelcome here. I'll daydream all day on real estate apps and websites, but actually MOVING? I'm good.
I can see this lovely trait of mine rubbing off on my kids with Lou's issues are more genetic than environmental. Lo and Lillie test me though. Lots of questioning my reasoning, putting their OWN foot down and losing every last privilege in the process.... stubborn is as stubborn does in my household. It's not my way or the highway, it's my way or you better have a 5 paragraph essay, a power point presentation and a million dollars to change my mind.
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