Calculated Risks.

A few weeks back on the way to drop the kids off at school.

Lo: "Mommy, there's our house! Are we going to get it today? Are you going to go see the man about the house?"
Me: "Maybe, baby. Maybe. Mommy still doesn't know what God has in store for us. Mommy's going to go look at a few cars today because Mommy and Daddy REALLY need to have our own cars, but if God doesn't show me a car that's right for us, I promise you I'll go see the man about the house."
Lillie: "I want my own room." ((Insert bottom lip out so far birds could perch on it.))
Me: "I know, Peanut. I know. I want you to have your own room too, but we're not going to get upset if we don't get the house, it just mean God has something so much better for us in store."

I spent all of my off day that week from 10-5 car hunting. Nothing felt right. I started getting excited that maybe I was meant to be in my dream home. The dream home I'd found shortly after the kids started school. Yes, it was for rent... BUT, it had a lease/purchase option. It was built in the early 60's, had all the original hard wood floors refinished, built in bookshelf in the third bedroom (Lillie, our reader's, room), a huge formal dining room that could be used for crafts/play/computer stuff. I've been smitten ever since I stepped into the musty Grandma smell of that house directly across from Lo's Elementary school. The same Elementary school I went to.

And then I told my Dad to pull off at one last car lot. It was a buy here, pay here shanty of a place. I didn't have high hopes. And then I saw the X-Terra. I'd wanted one since High School. I started feeling my heart pound in my chest. After talking to the dealership and transferring money around and talking to my car insurance company, everything just fell into place. I'd talked the dealership down like a champ, worked the maintenance it needed done into the cost of the car and despite the ridiculous interest rate, knew without a doubt I'd be able to refinance it through my bank for much MUCH cheaper in a few months. I'll be able to have it paid in full within a year. A YEAR. Last Fall I was in tears at the bank because they told me even at 30 years old I'd *STILL* need a cosigner on any lease or credit card (yes, even a secured card.) Not because my credit was shit, but because I'd literally built NO credit whatsoever in over 7 years. Why is it, that even though I'd paid off all my debts, left all my accounts in good standing that I was getting shafted? Why is it, you can file bankrupcy and come home to loan and credit card approvals in your mailbox before the ink is even dry on your discharge papers? I just didn't get it, and yet, here I was... approved for the truck I'd wanted forever. APPROVED.

We only need to make a little more financially each month to take on a house payment be it lease or mortgage. So hopefully my review gets me some sort of raise or the Husband can find GOOD employment somewhere. I'd love to say I want a raise, who WOULDN'T want a raise, right? As of right now, however, I'd love to have some sort of relief where I'm not solely responsible for bills, expenses, etc. So here's for the little things. For hopes and wishes and prayers and fairy dust. Lillie needs her own room, Moose needs a back yard, Logan needs a safer environment to run and play, and Mommy and Daddy need a room to express our creativity. Heads out of the gutter y'all, I'm talking about an arts/crafts/computer room. SHOOT, this is a "semi-safe family blog" y'all! I'd like to be able to open those floor to ceiling on days like today where there's a breeze and it can trickle through the whole house. I'd love to open the back door, and yell for the kids to come in for dinner...

I weigh my decision between the truck and the house from both angles often. We needed the vehicle. NEEDED. As much as I love that house, and as much as I want all the little details that pull at my heartstrings... we NEEDED the vehicle. Thanks to my occupation, housing is not an issue, so housing was not and is not nearly as important.

I still wouldn't mind a fresh "home" start.