Wednesday, October 5, 2011

That's all the news that IS news...

Ok, so I'm fairly certain I'm not a big weiner winner. What's that you say? Win what? You're right. It's not fair for me to come out with some vague intro to this post without giving you the back story. So without further ado...

A week(ish) ago I was wasting valuable sleep time researching for some blog posts and stumbled across Rosie O'Donnell's twitter account. I trolled a little bit. I'll admit it. Well, somehow I managed to end up on this page.

I know... I KNOW... If there's anything more unlike me, it's applying for a weight loss/fitness thing. I am that girl who despite the fact that I'm overweight, gets disgusted when I hear of people taking an easy way out. Go ahead, put the spotlight on me, I'm ready to confess. I know that (FOR ME FOR ME FOR ME, I am not a licensed professional, y'all!) exercise and the food you put into your mouth is the ONLY right way (FOR ME FOR ME FOR ME) to lose weight. I accept this as true as it's been the only way that's ever worked for me. And you know what? The weight crept back because I fell back into old habits. It's not because I have a gene that makes me fat. It's not because the government tells me I have to eat fast food. It's not because I was only made to do one semester of P.E. in High School. It's because I allowed this to happen to me. It's because I grew up believing that this is my life and I have to accept it for what it is. I know in my heart, that this is my one chance at life, that I'll never get back the years of inactivity and bad habits. I know my children won't get those years with me either. I can kick at the walls and pull at my hair over how "unfair" it all is, but I won't. I won't accept that I am genetically predisposed to being obese. I can only accept that what happens to me and my body is a direct "cause and effect" of what I do and put into it.

So anyways, back to being a big winner and whatnot. I thought to myself as I wrote my little "blurb," that this is a waste of time. Me typing all of this and not sleeping? WASTE OF TIME. At the very least it will plant a seed that might maybe help motivate me out of this funk I've allowed myself to wallow in for the past year. And then I got a call from a lovely woman in Chicago asking me if I could send her some more information... When I went to check my e-mail, I'd received this not even a few hours prior.
Hello and thank you for writing in to The Rosie Show!
We received your response about your desire to lose weight - we liked what you had to say and while this is all very preliminary, we may be calling you soon to ask you a few more questions. 
In the meantime, could you please email me a couple of additional photos of yourself?  If you didn't already send a full-body shot, please do.

Many thanks again for writing in!
Say what? And then the next day this happened.
Hello ladies!
You are receiving this email because you have been selected as finalists to potentially participate in The Rosie Show's launch of the READY-SET-GO weight-loss program!  We will be making final decisions early next week, so if you'd still like to be a part of this amazing launch and opportunity, we need you to please reply to this email - no later than Monday, October 3rd at 10am CST -  with the following information/answers:

*Your full name as it appears on your driver's license/ID
*Date of birth
*Home address
*Have you ever been on TV before - if so what show and when?
*Is your schedule flexible if we needed you for a couple of days?

Next - and this is VERY IMPORTANT!!  We need you take a couple "before" photos of yourself.   Full body - straight on - profile and your back.  I know that most of you don't enjoy doing this, but it's important that we have these shots.

THANK YOU all so much for all you've done so far! 
Now let me just tell you, it is hard enough for me to allow someone to take pictures of me, it's even harder for ME to take pictures of myself. I can't accept that what I look like on the outside is not who I envision myself to be in my mind. My "about me" picture? That is as close as it comes to the me in my mind. I've always been the kid that loathes sweating, like I dread the feeling of sweat dripping down my back. The feeling of my heart pounding clear out of my chest? I'll pass, thanks. Run? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, you'd better plan on having a butcher knife and chasing me with it. Yoga and walking is about as "fitness-y" as I get... and sometimes I can be convinced to step onto an elliptical. So here I am. I saw my "before" shots and could feel the color drain out of my face. You guys. I can't even. I just. No. I can't accept that I've become this. This person in the pictures? That's not who I am. So I sent them in. And I've waited. In 30 minutes it will be Thursday and we will have surpassed the week's midpoint. So I'm going to go ahead and call it that I was not one of the "chose ones" for the show. But you know what? I'm ok with that.

I'm ok with that because I don't do shows. I don't do lights and cameras. I don't do attention. I don't do "fix me," I do it myself. It's time for me to blow the dust off of my running shoes. It's time for me to cut the crap out of our diets. It's time to set an example for these amazing kids I've brought into this world. It's time to stop bad habits and replace them with an extension of time added to my timeline. It's time to acknowledge the person I've become and bury her.

I want to be the me I expect to see when I look in the mirror.

So thank you, Rosie O'Donnell and OWN for the opportunity. You've motivated me to change and that was exactly what I needed.

((Mama Kat writing prompt semi inspired. This is my lifelong disagreement with myself and sometimes my loved ones... and I know there will be some of you who agree/disagree with my views on weight loss, hereditary conditions, and the perception of beauty, etc. So bring it on, I'm interested in knowing just what you know to be true for YOU.))

6 comments:

  1. "Run? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, you'd better plan on having a butcher knife and chasing me with it."

    That's exactly how I feel about running! I don't get the people who LOVE to run. And I completely agree with what you said about my weight being my fault (for me for me). My eating choices determine my weight.

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  2. I think you should take comfort in my belief that you were not chosen because you were not fat ENOUGH! Perhaps you are not as far "gone" as you think. Good luck!

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  3. Betsy, I'm glad I'm not the only one who just doesn't get "runners." In my mind, it's unfortunate that there are people who truly believe it's all McDonald's fault for making them unhealthy. No, it's the path you took to GET you to McDonald's. We all make bad decisions from time to time, NO ONE is immune to it. I can justify all I want that the reason I took my kids to the Chic-Fil-A instead of the McDonald's playground is because the food is less processed. But still. A fry is a fry and a chicken breast fried in oil is still a chicken breast FRIED in oil.

    Emily, I never thought about it that way. I know that for my height 5'2", my BMI is almost 10 points over the obesity limit. :( Which in my mind, doesn't seem real! According to all my Doctors and any calculator you can find online, I would need to lose at LEAST 75 pounds to be in the "healthy" range. I can't tell you the last time I was 120 pounds.... 140 even. Middle School? Elementary School? I mean, it almost infuriates me that I didn't have some sort of real intervention as an adolescent.

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  4. Good for you for finding the impetus somewhere. I think that's the most important thing.

    And not everyone is LIGHTS CAMERA ACTION. There's no reason to be. Just be you!

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  5. Oooh, girl! Big word alert! I'll have to try and use "impetus" somewhere today. Not gonna lie, had to look it up. :) Thanks for the positive reinforcement. I just got all gung ho on our deep freeze, let's just say that someone accidentally unplugged it for Lord knows how long, and when we realized it a year ago we just plugged it back in and did the sign of the cross every time we passed it. There was like 10 gallons of breast milk in there and I have NO idea how many Thanksgiving turkeys. My Grandfather stockpiles and the overflow always went in there. I'm sweating head to toe. Looks like I'll be taking shower number 2 today!

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  6. So, for those of you visiting back to the comments section, I GOT THE CALL TODAY! I already warned the producer that I'm a HOT ANXIOUS MESS, and she assured me that I won't have any big blips during my first trip up. Which, WHOO, thank God. But I wanted to thank all of you for the support. Sometimes I have to let myself down easy first so that when/if I do find out something wasn't going to work out in my favor, I'm not as upset about it.

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