Saturday, October 8, 2011

If it looks like a duck... sounds like a duck...

It MUST be a goat. Obviously, I've been having issues wrapping my head around the fact that I'll be in Chicago this time Tuesday. I keep repeating it over and over in my head, "You're going to Chicago. On an airplane. You will be on The Rosie Show. You will come home." But it just doesn't compute. Somewhere in my brain I'm short circuiting and while my eyelid stopped twitching sometime last week (three weeks straight, y'all, THREE WEEKS STRAIGHT. Nothin' but twitch up in here), I'm still freaking the FRONT DOOR out. Oh, and by the way... got the ok from the producer to chitty chat with y'all about all of this. So comments are open. Ask away about diet/exercise/etc. Just... you know... let's not talk about the whole flying 600 miles to CHICAGO thing. Have we already forgotten about my stint in the O'hare basement? Have we? I can't believe that's the thing that's bugging me the most right now. Is it bugging you? IT'S BUGGING ME. I'm having flashbacks of sharing my Oatmeal Squares with baggage handlers just to keep them quiet about my sleeping arrangements. I feel like I'm visiting an ex of which I had a very nasty divorce with. Do you think they'll notice I've gained some weight (and anxiety?)

Anywhooooo. My son bit someone at school this week. I'm trying not to let it bother me, but my brain's gotta do something other than focus on the whole CHICAGO thing. He bit a child because he got so frustrated he couldn't think to ask for intervention by a teacher. Is it bad parenting on my behalf that he resorted to biting? Is it worse parenting that I would have anticipated name calling or pinching? Is it horrific parenting that I suspected my daughter would have been the one to have me pulled aside at pick up time? Lo is MY child. He's my mini-me. He feeds off my anxiety and frustrations and we bring out the worst (and best) in each other. I'm worried how all of this is going to effect him. I worry that he's going to act out again above anything else. One thing I will have to give his teacher credit for is they handled it far better than I would have. They talked to him about what happened and took away part of his recess. If you know Lo, you know that THAT killed him a little on the inside. Being outside and active is his most favorite thing ever. Outside of his geek factor, he gets that from his Daddy. I, however, remained mortified for two days straight. Each day before school I pulled him aside before he got into the car and I drilled it into him that he MUST tell the child he bit how sorry he was for his ugly behavior and that we don't act that way. I'll have to admit, that even though the week is over and done, my "parent ego" is still hurt. What could I have done to prevent this? What can I do now to keep it from happening again?

And then I met that Mom at the park. The one who's pwecious angel would NEVER hurt another child, youmustbeKIDDINGme! We had a little play date this week at a park the kids took a field trip to, and it's not a park I normally visit because it's not really convenient to us. I liked that the play area was small enough that I could easily spot the kids, but didn't like the feeling of locking them inside the gate while I waved at them and drank my coffee from the other side. I also didn't like that other Mothers were using this opportunity to lock their children inside and completely ignore the warning signs that their children were getting out of hand. See what I did there? I totally could have referred to their children as little demon spawn, but I didn't. More because I don't think kids in themselves are born as demon spawn as much as they're forced into that behavior because they aren't being disciplined or payed enough attention to. Yes, I said it, the QUEEN of "distracted" herself. Anyways, where was I? Oh yes. So the kids were inside and I was attempting to chit chat with my friend, but hello? Distracted this week. I kept attempting conversation as I nervously counted our children out "One... Two... and there's Three," every 30 seconds. I was helicopter parenting from the other side of the fence. Seriously. And then I heard Lo cry. He's sensitive, y'all. But this wasn't a normal cry, this was a "Sister just clawed me in the eyeball," cry. So I started counting heads. And that's when I saw that Mom, attempting to chase down her kid who is giggling maniacally and it's obvious via the violent swatting on HIS part what's going on. He is literally leaving kids crying in fear in his wake. How could this maybe three year old think this is ok? When that Mom finally gets back to her bench WITHOUT junior in tow I hear her explain that she didn't know what had happened, but the little boy in the blue shirt (her eyes dart over at Lo) started it. Whoa WHOA whoa, hold the phone, Mamacita. Did she seriously just lay the blame on my child? My child who, along with Lillie and several other children, was frantically attempting to escape her child's warpath? And that's when I knew my child would be ok. My child got frustrated ONE day out of 50 in the school year. My child who hung his head in shame when I sat down and made him tell me what happened. My child who peels my eyelids back when I'm "checking them for cracks" at 6:30 in the morning (don't roll your eyes at me, I don't do mornings very well anymore) tells me he loves me. My child who cries until I come back and give him "one more hug and kiss" at bedtime. My child who snuggles up next to his sister on the couch and cheers her on as she blasts through puzzle apps that would take him twice the time on the iPhone. My child will be fine. But... I still need to find a way to explain to my child why it's not ok for him to act like that child at the park. Why his Mommy didn't pull him aside and make him tell the other children he was sorry for his ugly behavior and how it's not ok EVER to act that way. I'll survive this parenting thing, I just hope my children do too.

Oh, and that other child of mine? She pooped in the potty today. Granted it was after I caught her channeling spirits in the playroom, but most of it made it into the potty and she managed to hold the rest of it till she GOT to the potty. Baby steps, people, BABY STEPS. Oh, and dearest most stubborn daughter on the face of the planet? If you're reading this one day in the future? You'd best believe there will be (hopefully drunken to get the point across) poop stories at your wedding... or maybe before your first date. I haven't decided yet.

So anyways you guys, tune in on Thursday 7/6c. Hopefully there will be no video montages of me chasing my pooping child into the bathroom. If you need help finding the channel, go here and scroll down to the bottom(ish) right hand side of the page to find the channel in your area. The episode is INTENDED to be shown Thursday, but obviously things can change last minute. I'm going to enjoy my last day of freedom before I have to start vlogging for the show (sorry, but that's the one thing I can't share with you guys yet.) But I will be guest posting over at The M Half sometime in the near future for her "31 Days" series focused on Yoga. Because YES, Yoga will be one of my main forms of constant exercise during my 15 minutes of fame.

You know you're curious. I just want to know how they make propellant organic. And yes, the final ingredient listed is "propellant." It may or may not have been the reason I bought it during yesterday's "Things I won't be eating in the next 30 days if not ever again" grocery trip. You're welcome.


  1. You will be excellent in Chicago. You will be fine on the way to Chicago. It's just like a tour bus. With a better view. And, I'm *so* excited for your guest post I almost can't stand the suspense. Deep breaths, my friend. Deep, cleansing, mind-focusing yoga breaths. Ah, now doesn't that feel better?! xoxo

  2. I've got a great anxiety/panic meditation/hypnosis podcast that will be listening to in flight. Let's just hope I can remember to breathe long enough to not pass out before I can get the iPod turned on. ;) Thanks for the support! I'll be sure to take lots of pics!

  3. How exciting! Thanks for sharing your thoughts on those Mom moments, most people do not divulge deep understanding of their lids' motivation like that. ; )

    I checked out the yogatoday site and LOVE it.

    Best wishes on your travels, I will try to find the program and watch you. Oh, and between you and M Half (who won PW's knives) I feel double famous by association. LOL

  4. You'll do great! Good luck! :)

  5. Green Goose - Just trying to keep it real!! There are a lot of Parents that just smooth over the road bumps and detours when it comes to their children. Yes, children are precious, but they're also human! You crack me up, DOUBLE FAMOUS! Whatevs! I'm still in awe of M Half, because HELLO! Pioneer Woman! Knives!

    Whit - Thanks for the encouragement! I'm feeling MUCH better today (mentally) about the whole trip.