Monday, May 7, 2012

And that's when it hit me...

My entire existence revolves around whether or not Lillie is on poop strike. There. I said it. A real moment from this weekend was when her head turned around "Exorcist" style and she stared me right in the eye, sweat gleaming on her nose, upper lip and brow and exclaimed, "I'M POOOOOOPING." This was after a good 30 minutes of guttural screaming and tantrum throwing... AT MY IN-LAW'S HOUSE. My Husband and family scurried in circles around her as she writhed in pain and I sat on the couch periodically looking up from my game of Bejeweled Blitz muttering, "She's fine... she does this once a week, just pretend she's not screaming and go on with your lives."

You guys. I am NOT the worlds best parent, but I'm not the worst either. I'm just completely over my 3 year old's issue with pooping. I can't even give you a time frame when it began, it just feels like forever. MY LIFE IS CENTERED AROUND HER BLATANT REFUSAL TO SHIT ON THE TOILET. This is my life. THIS. IS. MY. LIFE.

Dear Lillie Rae of Sunshine,
I'm sorry. One day you will look back upon this blog post on whatever newfangled contraption you've convinced your Father to buy you and show this to your therapist and tell her that this, THIS, is why you got your nipples pierced when you were 15. And CAN YOU BELIEVE you had to grow up with this crazy woman who obviously had no sense of filter on the internet and your life is completely ruined because of it??? Don't worry kiddo, all those years I was saving money in MY piggy bank, I was silently thinking it would all go to your therapy one day... or your black eyeliner fund. Whichever you needed more. I love you, but for the love of God, if you're still shitting your pants at 15 I will go live under a bridge somewhere because I failed as a Mother. Also, don't ever invite me into your birthing room when you decide to have children, because all I'm pretty sure I got a good glimpse of what THAT will be like over the weekend.
Love,
Mommy

Sigh.

4 comments:

  1. Isn't it awful at how children can make us feel like the worst of parents? But lady, let me tell you what, you are a fantastic mother! Even if your children wind up with nipple piercings *shudder*. My son refuses to get up at night to pee in the potty rather than his bed and pants. He's fine during the day, even with the poop but during the night? Forget it. He'd rather scream at 3am about how he is wet and how I need to go fix it. *sigh* You are just like me, I don't give in either. Call it what you will, we will one day win our battles :) We just choose them wisely, lol. And when that one day comes (God forbid it be while they are in their teens!) we deserve a few Starbucks. At once. With chocolate. :))

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    1. I am so honored and humbled at the same time, THANK YOU for calling me a fantastic Mother. That always means a lot to hear, even from people who aren't IRL friends. ;)

      I got lucky with the bedwetting, not so lucky with the girl who won't freaking shit in the potty. She can pee in the potty and even randomly changes her own pull up, but poop? FORGETABOUTIT. As my pediatrician once told my Mother, they'll figure it out sometime before Kindergarten. Have YOU ever seen a kindergartner in pull ups? No.

      Here here, I'm all about some well deserved Starbucks!

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  2. Anal retentive. This is when it starts...Man, I would just like it if my kids would stop pooping so much. I guess the grass is always greener...or poopier. Thanks for the laugh! This totally caught me by surprise!

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    1. LOL, that's what I should have named this post! Anal retentive!!! My son is the exact opposite, boy loves to poop. LOVES. Thanks for stopping in!!!

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