Sunday, April 1, 2012

A to Z... for therapy.

Last week my therapist asked me to blog more. You see, I've been slipping back into some kind of muck that I can't really label other than... well... muck. I thought we were getting ahead in life for a short moment and just as quickly, the rug was pulled out from under me and it made me angry and feeling more alone than before. There have been too many "rug pulling" moments since the New Year, and now that we're already over a quarter of the way through 2012, I'm ready to for all this nonsense to end. It's been dragging on way too long. Longer than the past three months should legally feel.

If you haven't already gathered, I've signed on to do an "A-Z blogging challenge." Each day represents a letter of the alphabet and my post has to reflect a word correlating to that letter. For today, "A" could mean a lot of things. I should warn you now that what I originally wanted to be a fun and lighthearted challenge, might end up a little dirty with extra heaping helpings of soul baring. Can you handle the truth? Well? Can you?

Alone, angry, aggravated, agitated, abandoned, ablaze, absurd, afraid, annoyed, anxious, and ashamed. I've felt all of these this week as well as these past few months. I didn't list them in any particular order, but the most felt are alone and anxious. It's hard to adapt to life when you realize that whether you like it or not, you're not always in control, that your mind can and will take the wheel and force you to stop everything while holding a gun to your chest. As the lovely Bloggess so lovingly told me, "depression is an ugly bed-fellow of anxiety, and it lies. It lies like crazy and you can't trust your own head." It's true. So very true.

10 comments:

  1. Whatever you end up writing about each day, I hope it helps.

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    1. I hope so too. I'm considering it a GREAT sign that I've already felt some sort of release just in the past 24 hours. But that's not just from blogging. :)

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  2. Jenny has it right: depression is a liar and you won't always know up from down. All I can say is stay the course. I won't hop on and give my own A words that are pretty similar to yours, but just know that you are done alone. Eventually, the first A words we will come up with are Achiever and Able.

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    1. I'm all about "Achiever" and "Able!" Only because I KNOW without a doubt you and I are already those words. :) Today's post will be a better one... only change better to "bitter."

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  3. Sometimes I struggle with what to write in the comments for a post, so I'll leave this one short and sweet. Getting stuck when you thought you were moving forward sucks. Hopefully, your writing will help you dig your way out and back into the light soon.
    (mmm. I guess it wasn't so short after all)

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    1. We're still stuck, but moving forward as best we can at the same time. I know it doesn't sound possible, but we're MAKING it possible!

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  4. Bring it all on, girlfriend. Air it out. Let's talk!

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    1. LOL, see what I *DIDN'T* do there??? I totally went into my shell on day 2 and didn't re-emerge till today. Yowza! I'm working on it!!!

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  5. stick with writing, even if just getting thots on paper! and blogging it gets you feedback!

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    1. So, I'm the blogging version of a "beauty school drop out." There's so much going on right now that I just can't do the challenge. I'm already being challenged enough in my own home and head. I will continue to attempt and write more during this month, but hoping they will be more positive posts.

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