Saturday, January 14, 2012

Sweet n' Lo

Dear Logan,

Sweet, sweet boy. This week is going to be an interesting one for you, as will all your Sister's Birthday weeks. I promise we didn't plan to have her so soon after Christmas. There will be cupcakes sent to school for her and you will wonder why we don't do the same for you (sorry about that Summer Birthday, nothing we can do to change that now.) Your friends will be here for her party, but I know that soon you will wonder why they're here for her and not for you. I hope that we're raising you up to know that you get your special days too. I hope that you can see that in the grand scheme of things, we try so very hard to be fair and equal between the two of you.

You have something though, that she never had. You had a year and a half with me all to yourself. You had my single undivided attention, and believe me, I cherish those moments close to my heart. Moments when we would curl up on the couch to catch a cartoon before bed, just you, me and my big baby belly. Moments when I could take just you to the park and could stay as long as we wanted. I hope you understand some day that there has always been a special place for my boy deep in my heart. I can still feel your thick curls at the nape of your neck slip through my fingers as a toddler and the weight of you as an infant snuggling your face into the crook of my neck.

You are my special, sweet boy. My mini-me with all your quirks and questions that never stop. Don't stop questioning, just don't let the questions consume you. It's okay to just sit and focus on the world around you, even if your mind is begging you to keep running around like your pants are on fire. It's okay to cry, even when the world calls you weak because of it. It's okay to care, because there are not enough people in the world that do... just remember to look inside yourself and see how amazing YOU are as well and that you are worthy of taking the time to care for yourself. It's not selfish to not always be selfless.

I'm trying hard not to think about the fact that you will be five years old this year. Just typing that broke my heart in two. What happened to my baby boy? Why did you have to grow up so very fast? I am in wonder of the young boy you are growing into, I'm also wondering where all the food you consume goes. I'm afraid to close my eyes as I know that there's a growth spurt coming and the preschooler features you've barely got visible will finally be gone. I'm not okay with this.

You are such an amazing Brother. I know we get short with you when you tattle on her (incessantly), but if I take a step back and look at the two of you together, I know you do it to protect her. Your love for her blows my mind. The way she puts her little hands on your face in adoration melts my heart. She can't wait to be with you in the morning, to play with you and get you to help her snag donuts from Pappaw. She comes crying to me when you won't play with her, even though in all fairness she's much meaner to you when she wants her own alone time. She loves you in a way that I can't even express based on my own sibling relationships. I am floored to think that I made you both from scratch and despite your differences, you seem made for one another. I couldn't have made two kids who more perfectly balance each other out. I pray that you will always have this connection with each other and that I can have the patience to handle all the times you attempt to protect and parent her. We both know she won't tolerate you bossiness. Yes, I said it. You're bossy. But I'm bossy, so it's okay.

I love you, Lo. Happy "Big Brother" week.

Love, Mama

 3 years ago. Lillie 1 day old, Lo 18 months.

Growing up is the hardest part. For Moms. Lo at 4 1/2.

7 comments:

  1. I am the oldest child in my family, and I would have killed for a letter like this one. Such a sweet, precious letter--now I'm all teary!

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  2. My Husband and I are both the eldest from our families. We know, now of course, that we were the "starter" child. That our parents learned through us, and even though we thought then how unfair it was that the other kid(s) got "special treatment," looking back, we were all treated fairly. My heart breaks for Lo every time I fail as a parent through him, but I know that we're doing the best we can. He's a great child, GREAT.

    I would have killed for a letter such as this as well. :)

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  3. This is so sweet! I'm the oldest, too, AND my little brother has special needs, so I hope that when we have another I can give my daughter the same reassurance a letter like this can give.

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  4. Mine are one day shy of being 18 months apart, so we usually acknowledge half birthdays too! As a summer birthday kid, I got to have pool parties and my sister didn't and I never had to go to school on my birthday! BONUS!

    Sweet post, Mama!

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  5. Kirsten, I worried about having to split my time between the two, but your heart really does grow so that you love them both just as much and just as equally. There are no favorites. I bet growing up where your brother needed special attention gave you some doubts about what was/wasn't fair, I hope that you got some reassurance even if it wasn't a letter.

    Single Mom, Mine are *roughly* 18 months apart. The day I quit nursing my son at 9 months was THE DAY I got pregnant, honest to God. On the other kids Birthday, we give a "Big Brother" or a "Little Sister" gift from their sibling. It's not the same as the amount of gifts the Birthday child receives, but it's a token of how much the other sibling loves them and appreciates them.

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  6. This is very sweet. I wish I'd grown up with siblings to understand this kind of love as a child.

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    1. My sister and I are six years apart. My parents tried ridiculously hard to give me a sibling closer in age, but they just couldn't do it. My sister was a complete surprise after all their hardships, and while I love her dearly, I don't have the same connection nearly as much as I know Logan and Lillie do. We "unplugged" today for the majority of the afternoon/evening and they were inseparable. I'm always in awe of how well they interact with each other when she's not trying to claw his eyes out. (Her = introvert, He = extrovert.)

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