So... it's been about a year since Lo decided to shock himself. He used to do it often enough that it didn't phase us. Pulling plugs out just far enough so they were still live when he touched the prongs. Unscrewing HOT light bulbs and sticking a wet finger into the socket. You know, the normal things kids do.
Today we enforced mandatory quiet time after lunch, because OMGWEWEREALLGOINGTOKILLEACHOTHER. Mandatory quiet time didn't end up much better. Instead it was all we could do to keep from leaping to our deaths from the top of the stairs after leaving Lo's room post "Talking him off the ceiling attempt #772,645." All was quiet for a good 20 minutes right there towards the end until Lo started screaming (and Mom's know this one) the pain scream. Out of all the screams, this one will get you running full on marathon style and/or lifting cars off of your entrapped children. I run in on Lo holding a light bulb in one hand and pretty much his fist stuffed into his mouth. Muffled screams of "I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY," pretty much on repeat. After assessing the situation (and the fingers in his mouth) to discover that he'd burned the tips of his fingers (NOT major burns, just enough to make them shiny and pink on the ends) and that he'd manage to break his lamp... again... The first time he broke it I didn't discover it was broken till the dial wasn't turning it on/off. And why DID everything smell kind of "electrical?" Lo looked at me that day and said, "Mom, there was FIRE in my lamp." HOLY MOTHER OF PEARL, upon further inspection, sure enough the dial was MELTED and black inside.
I honestly don't know what to do with this child aside from maybe wrap him in bubble wrap and just leave him in a dark. I really... REALLY... don't know. Maybe I should just rename him "Sparky."